


Second Chance

by sash4kyu (emotional_fool)



Series: Yen [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Dysthymia, M/M, Mental Instability, Suicide Attempt, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:32:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotional_fool/pseuds/sash4kyu
Summary: Grab it when you still have a chance because sometimes second chances are not what you expected.





	1. Summary

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [Little did they know](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591031).  
> It's important to read the prequel before reading this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_6 months later_

 

 

_**Patient name** : Lu Han_

_**Diagnosed with** :  Dysthymia_

_**Marital status** : unmarried_

_**Family** : none_

_**Acquaintances** :  Kim Jongin  _

_( not reachable  at the moment )_

 

 

 

 

 

 

_dysthymia_

dɪsˈθʌɪmɪə

_noun_

Psychiatry

noun: **dysthymia**

  1. persistent mild depression.

"in some, at least 2 years of dysthymia lead to recurring major depression"




 

 

 

 


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short prologue. I am editing and posting side by side so maybe expect a daily update at most.

 

 

 

_PROLOGUE_

 

Sehun is pacing back and forth just outside the ICU door. Luhan is inside. Doctors have yet to tell him anything and nurses are just running in and out not replying to any of his questions. He is scared, angry and guilty all at the same.

 

Sehun is thinking about past few months and about what happened this morning. It still leaves him feeling horrible about what could have happened if....and he is brought out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder stopping him from pacing mid way. He is a police officer, the one who stopped him, accompanied with one of his subordinates. Sehun is sure hospital called them in. After all there was a case of suicide attempt.

 

Luhan tried to commit suicide not long ago, exactly one hour ago and he is still inside taken care of by the doctors. Sehun is panting now.

 

__It’s my entire fault_ , he thinks as he stares at the officer in front._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can come talk to me on either [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/sash4kyu) or [CURIOUS CAT](https://curiouscat.me/sash4kyu).


	3. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - Please read the tags carefully before reading this. This is not a very happy story.

 

 

Luhan and Sehun argued a lot. Once Kai left it took only a week for everything to crumble down.

 

Sehun likes Luhan but same cannot be said for the older. Luhan can no longer feel that closeness with sehun. It was like a spark that is dying fast. Like what they usually say ‘not everything that glitters is gold’. The attraction that seemed true love at first was not so true after all.

 

There are times when sehun kisses him or hugs him or just hold him that Luhan imagines it to be Kai. And the touch burns Luhan because it’s not kai’s.

 

Luhan feels like his soul is vanishing a little every day, every hour, every minute because what he did was wrong. His mind reasons that it’s only natural to be attracted to someone else but he knows his heart is right. He sinned.

 

Meanwhile sehun is confused about what went wrong! He felt guilty to betray his best friend and cried along with Luhan when kyungsoo told them a week later about what kai did. Apparently what they saw was not **_REAL_** , what they heard was not the **_TRUTH_** and what they believed was all a **_LIE_**.

 

They both tried to search for kai but he was nowhere to be found. I was like Kai just vanished and he took along Luhan’s soul and desire to live.

 

Luhan does not talk much and sehun is pretty much sure the other doesn’t even listen to a word he says. When Luhan is not working, he just sits in the corner and stares out the window. His eyes look so hollow that it scares Sehun to the core.

 

Having enough of the silent treatment and the guilt eating him up, the younger had decided to go back to States. He hoped that the distance will give older some time and space to think and come back to his senses.

 

 

 

Sehun, after going back to states, is still trying to watch out for Luhan, he calls sometime; they even do skype once a week. Luhan is trying; sehun can see that but maybe only because Luhan feels lonely now. Sehun is not mad at him though instead he is heartbroken to see the older this way. Sehun got attracted, he made a move and Luhan accepted it. Sehun had felt bad initially for doing that to kai but when Luhan wanted it too; he could not back away without fighting. So to see Luhan struggling now when everything should have become easier is breaking sehun’s heart.

 

Sehun thought that a little distance away would do them good. He really hoped Luhan would get better. And he did in the start. Sehun was ecstatic to see Luhan smile once again; to hear the joy in his voice. But Luhan is back to his old ways, his eyes are back to being empty the way they used to be when sehun first met him.

 

Sehun will not give up though. He will keep on trying until Luhan himself tells him to stop.

 

Two months later he finds himself on the plane back to Korea. His relationship with Luhan is getting worse day by day. And he only has a week to give it a last shot.

 

 

 

 

Sehun is pacing back and forth just outside the ICU door. Luhan is inside. Doctors have yet to tell him anything and nurses are just running in and out not replying to any of his questions. He is scared, angry and guilty all at the same.

 

Sehun is thinking about past few months and about what happened this morning. It still leaves him feeling horrible about what could have happened if....and he is brought out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder stopping him from pacing mid way. He is a police officer, the one who stopped him, accompanied with one of his subordinates. Sehun is sure hospital called them in. After all there was a case of suicide attempt.

 

Luhan tried to commit suicide not long ago, exactly one hour ago and he is still inside taken care of by the doctors.

 

The officer was in the middle of interrogating sehun when the doors to the ICU room opens and the Doctor marches out. Seeing sehun and the police officer in the hallways, he heaves a sigh and walks toward them.

 

“I take it that you are here to investigate about Lu Han’s case.”

 

The officer gives a curt nod in answer and the doctor gestures him along with sehun to follow towards his private chamber.

Once inside the room he tells the officer that Sehun is innocent and has no hand in luhan’s suicide attempt.

He further explains how Luhan has been his patient for last one year. And is suffering from Dysthymia, which is a form of mild chronic depression. He has attempted suicide twice before also but neither were this successful that he had to undergo surgery.

 

The officer simply nods and writes all the information whereas sehun is stunned by the sudden information. He never knew that all this time the cause for luhan behaviour was depression or that he has tried killing himself before today also. He is trembling and is not able to shake off the feeling crawling underneath his skin – guilt, ignorance, betrayal – towards both kai and luhan. And suddenly he feels disgusted with himself for what he did and said to the older a few hours ago.

 

 

_ Flashback _

 

Sehun and Luhan are arguing just like always. It has been five days since the former came back from states.

 

Sehun has only two more days before he would have to return back and by the looks of it he doesn’t think he will be able to save his relationship with the older anymore.

 

And in the fit of rage he says something he never meant to.

“You know what Lu, maybe the problem is with you. You even cheated on Kai with me, who loved you like anything. Maybe that’s what you do. People who love you, you betray them and then leave. And it will not be wrong to think that it’s the reason why your family left you.”

Sehun brings a hand to his mouth in horror as soon as the words leave him but it’s too late now to take back what he said.

 

Luhan runs to the kitchen and locks it behind him before the younger could stop him. There are sounds of utensils cluttering and a minute later a loud hiss. Sehun’s blood runs cold and he rushes towards the door, all sorts of wild images coming into his mind. He is pounding hard on the door but there is no response and he is getting panicked. As a last resort he breaks the door and stumbles inside.

 

His eyes are wide in horror and a chill runs down his spine. For a moment he gets frozen on his spot; unable to move a limb or even blink. Luhan is lying there unmoving. His wrist slit open and blood pooling around his arm and thigh.

 

When sehun gets his senses back he takes long hurried strides towards the bleeding boy and gathers him in his arms and rushes to the hospital all the while blaming himself and hoping nothing happens to Luhan, otherwise he would die himself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am reading this after 4 years and i realised how messed up it is. So although i have tried to edit is as besta s possible i bet there are like still 10000 mistakes in there.
> 
> If you have any question i am always happy to answer.  
> [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/sash4kyu)  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/sash4kyu)


	4. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is very short....comments might help me post longer chapters...just saying XD

 

 

“I am sorry”

 

“I am sorry”

 

They both say at the same time after luhan gains conscious two hours later. He is still in the ICU ward under observation.

There is a sad smile on Luhan’s face and a rather pained expression on Sehun’s.

 

Seeing the other hesitating to even look him in the eye, luhan grabs sehun’s hand and gestures him to sit beside the older. 

Reluctant at first but eventually sehun gives in and settles down on the armchair but maintains a distance. Sehun can’t seem to bring himself to touch Luhan yet.

 

“Sehun I am sorry for pushing you into such a mess. I lost control over my emotions and  i....” luhan stops mid sentence when a hand squeezes his arm to gain his attention and when luhan turns towards the source he is shocked to see tears rolling down sehun’s face.

 

“Luhan, Please just stop.”

 

Luhan breath hitches as if a hard punch has landed on his guts. **Stop**. Maybe he didn’t want me to survive. Maybe he wanted me to leave like he said; Luhan minds supply bitterly.

 

But before Luhan thoughts could drown him further two large hands cup his face and bring quivering lips onto his forehead.

The gesture somehow calmed down luhan and he managed to settle down in the strong warm embrace sehun provided him.

 

“There is nothing for you to be sorry about” sehun says after a while.

 

“If anything you should hate me right now, hit me or i don’t know do something bad to me but strangely you are here comforting me. How can i live with myself now” and a lone tear travels down sehun’s cheek onto luhan’s nape. The warm liquid on his still cold skin send chills down Luhan’s spine and he jerks away to look at the younger in eye.

 

“I don’t hate you sehun. I can never. If not for you, i would have been dead months ago. I know i was being difficult and you had to deal with this “mild” depression of mine. I am sure the doctor told you about my history” on getting a nod in return luhan continues “ I realised there was something wrong with me two years back. At that time kai and I were just regular friends. He was the only close friend i had and i didn’t want to lose him so i took his advice and went for a check up. He thought my mood swings were due to malnutrition” a light chuckle echoes in the white room “ i wish it was this simple. After a week of checkups and lots of sessions my doctor finally told me about my current situation. To be honest i was not surprised much. I kind of knew it. But i never thought it would become this severe. Leaving home was really difficult but after mom died i just could not bear with that pathetic excuse for a father. If i had stayed either of us would have killed the other. And then there was kai. He was like a ray of sunshine in my dark life. He gave me place to stay, helped me with money, became my study tutor but most of all he gave me a friend, a home to i can go when i felt lost and depressed. That was the main reason i agreed to the therapy to cure this curse.”

Luhan was so lost in telling his story that he didn’t realised when sehun stopped embracing him and shifted to further the distance between them.

Sehun knew now. He messed it up. What luhan and kai had was not just a mere relationship; it was a bond beyond family, friendship, lovers. It was something very pure and real. And he destroyed it for his selfish moment of desire. He was disgusted with himself.

 

Sehun was pulled out of his thoughts with luhan’s broken voice.

“I didn’t tell him about my condition. Although i knew he had his guesses and doubts but we never really confronted each other directly. And then he was proposing me. It was the best day of my life. Finally i got someone i could call mine. I know it was selfish of me to keep him in the dark but i didn’t want to lose him. I was so scared to mess it up sehun. And look I managed to do that” Luhan slowly looks at sehun as if scared that the other would be disgusted with him.

“It was not selfishness, you were in love. I understand now.” sehun says to himself more than to the elder.

“But see what i did. After what all he did for me. After what all i went through to just be with him. I betrayed his trust, i cheated on him” and luhan gasps for air as loud sobs chokes out of him.

Sehun panics and is about to call for the nurse when luhan grabs his arm and tells him not to. Before sehun can protest though luhan asks him to do something which freezes the younger on the spot.

 

 


	5. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luhan asks sehun to do the unthinkable. Will sehun agree???

 

After slowing down his loud gasps luhan whispers again.

Sehun stands stunned on his spot. He can’t do that especially now when luhan needs him the most. He cannot grant what luhan is asking of him.

“You should leave sehun. I am okay. I will be okay. I promise i would not try to kill myself. I will get better but i don’t wish to drag you with me. You are a nice person and you deserve better. Better than someone like me who is maybe disable to love and appreciate someone.“

“Luhan i know you love kai and whatever _we had_ was just an illusion but i can’t leave you, at least not now. You need someone to take care of you. I am scared that if you are left alone you will fall deeper into this depression.”

“No..no you can’t stay. You have to go” Luhan’s voice is one octave higher now and sehun dreads that something is wrong.

“Are you hiding something from me Lu. I promise i wouldn’t harm you or try to win you back. I have realised my mistake and i just wants to take care of you as a friend. This is the least i could do after ruining yours and kai’s life.”

“If i tell you why I am doing this, you will hate me. You will know how selfish i am” Luhan says in a low whisper after his sobs have finally quitted down and he is no longer trembling.

“No i wouldn’t think that. Now tell me why you didn’t allow me to call the nurse and why you want me gone when it’s clear you need someone to take care of you?”

 

“I am sorry sehun but i don’t love you. I know now that i have always and will forever love kai alone.”

 

“But he is not here. We could not find him even after a month of search.” Luhan continues as he burrows his head in his hands and his whole body trembles with silent tears.

 

“You know, when i was in the operation theatre, i wanted to die. I was almost gone but then i saw kai. An..And it was weird but he kept telling me to wake up. He said i can not die. He told me he forgave me and he still loves me.” Luhan gave such a relieved smile that for a second sehun didn’t find anything which the older was saying to be weird.

 

 “Then everything clicked in place. I attempted suicide not because of what you said that night but the guilt, the pain and the longing for him that kept growing inside me and finally it exploded with all the enraged emotions.”

 

Luhan stares at sehun with an almost calm demeanour “You are not in the wrong at least not more than me. And now i finally know that i have to find Kai. I need to see him and tell him how sorry i am otherwise i will never come out of this depression. I can’t expect him to forgive me no less love me again. I have no right to love him anymore but i want to apologize once.”

 

Luhan is panting after telling the truth. It’s like a heavy weight of burden is lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe now. He looks at Sehun apologetically. No words coming out of Luhan now to show sehun how sorry he is to make the other suffer too. He just hopes that sehun will read his mind and maybe forgive him sooner.

 

Sehun sighs in surrender. He knows he has lost Luhan or rather he never had him in the first place. There is no point in not forgiving the older when he is looking so broken and asking for forgiveness in silence. Sehun thinks he actually has no right to be mad at luhan, since he is equally guilty. It does not mean though he is not sad at losing luhan. He loved him then and he loves him now too. But he never had a chance. Sehun laughs with no humour in his mind and turns his attention to the person in front.

Bracing himself he finally asks “How will u find him if you would not leave this hospital?”

“You can’t live alone luhan.” sehun adds as an afterthought.

 

“I know. That’s why i will mention him as my only acquaintance. A patient like me needs someone to sign my documents and if i mention kai they will find him for me.”

On seeing a look of confusion on sehun’s face luhan explains further “You know how hospital can seek help from police to find missing people and then they would have to find him unlike when we filed the report of him missing and they just stopped looking after a week.”

Luhan suddenly stops and says the next words in a soft nervous voice like he is afraid or something “If yo..you will be he...here they will not try to fin...find kai.”

 

Luhan looks up and there are tears already rolling down sehun’s face. Luhan gasps loudly while muttering “I am sorry...i am so sorry sehun ah i know i am such a horrible and selfish human being. You must hate me right now. Earlier, because of me you had to betray your best friend” hearing which sehun flinched hard

“and now i am pushing you away. But i **_need_** to do this and i hope you have realised that we don’t belong together. You should spend your life with someone who love you and not someone who was just attracted to you. You deserve someone far better than me.”

 

There are warm hands clutching sehun’s trembling ones and sehun looks up to see luhan smiling softly at him, tears still glistening on the elder’s face and eyes pleading to accept his words. Sehun wants to argue and make luhan see how he will **_never_** find anyone else. How he will ** _not_** be able to love some other like he loved luhan. How luhan ** _is_** better than everyone else. But one look at those pleading eyes and sehun seems unable to move except offer a hesitant nod of approval.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/sash4kyu)   
>  [CC](https://curiouscat.me/sash4kyu)


	6. Four

 

 

Luhan can’t look sehun in the eye. It may be the last time they see of each other but luhan is not strong enough to face sehun especially after knowing that he is responsible for that sullen look on the younger’s face, which was once adorned by a mischievous smile.

 

Luhan may not know him from years but he know sehun well enough to guess that it will not be easy for the other boy to suppress his feelings entirely. Luhan is thankful though for his understanding, even offering to come back if luhan needs him.

 

Sehun’s parting words filled his heart with both calm and pain.

 

“Luhan, i may not be the one **_YOU_** love but you will always be the one **_I_** love. You can call me whenever you want me. I will be there in a blink”

 

And before luhan could put in some words of apologies, sehun added

 

“But i hope you never need me. I hope you find Kai. I truly want you two to be together again. Maybe then i will be able to forgive myself”

 

And then he left.

 

Without looking back, just like kai did.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been two weeks. Luhan’s wrist has healed and his blood pressure and lungs are stable now. But what worries the doctor is his mind. Luhan is starting to slip away.

Kai has not showed up yet. Hospital tried to reach him every possible way but it’s like he just vanished into thin air. The police have resumed their search from where they left months ago.

 

Sehun calls every day and that’s the only time luhan speak or move or blink for that matter. Everybody is worried that at this pace, luhan will fall back into deep depression.

 

After weighing all other options the doctor decided to move luhan into shelter home. It was under the supervision of hospital few miles away from here.

 

Patients like luhan were treated there.

 

The Doctor believed that these people lacked love or a sense of belonging which caused their mind to shut down any possibility of happiness. They see life as black and white. They are unable to identify other colours.

 

He was sure that luhan will be better off there than lying dead here in the hospital. When luhan will see other patients like him coping with their problems and moving on with life, he believed luhan will at least start trying.

 

 

 

 

It was an improvement they all were happy about; Luhan starting responding as soon as he was moved there. A new environment and seeing people other than doctors, nurses and severely injured patients was a good thing. But it didn’t last long.

 

As luhan started paying attention to people around, he saw how other patients had visitors; family and friends coming over to check up on them, spend time with them. And among them there he was, all alone; Driving the one away who wanted to stay and waiting for someone who nobody knew whereabouts of.

 

Whenever he asked about kai, the answer was same always “I am sorry luhan. We are trying but i don’t think he is in Korea anymore. There are no recent records of him. He has not accessed his bank account. His phone number has not been traced since the day you told he left. I sympathise with you and i know how important he is for you but i don’t want to give you any false hope.“

 

And luhan fell deeper into the abyss of loneliness. Nobody heard his faint good mornings any more or the little smile he would give to the kid in the next room. His appetite decreased severely. He looked paler and thinner than before. His face lost its entire colour. His eyes had no shine in them. Sometimes he would sit and stare at walls for hours. It would feel like he is not blinking or even breathing at times.

 

Every resident of the shelter home was worried for him. They tried everything to cheer him up but nothing worked.

 

He was as good as dead.

 

 

“Luhan your lunch” the nurse enters with a tray full of food. And like everyday he is lying down, staring at the ceiling and giving no response.

 

She moves closer and places the food on the bedside table before brushing his fingers through his auburn coloured hairs.

 

She is in her mid 40s and has a son of same age as him and it pains her to see such a good and handsome kid suffering like this.

 

 _Life is cruel_. She thinks every time she sees him.

 

“Luhan, please get up darling. You need to eat. Look how thin you have become” there is still no response. So she gently holds his left hand and brings it closer to her face and place a kiss on his knuckles.

 

He is startled by the sudden touch and looks at her in confusion. She just smiles warmly and ruffles his hair once again and makes her way out.

 

She has not closed the door completely when she peeps inside once again and reminds him to eat.

 

He just groans in return and that make the older nurse chuckle. At least he responded, she thought.

 

It’s been five minutes since she left and there is a knock on the door again.

 

Luhan groans once again and feels irritated by her antics.

 

 _She probably came to see if i started eating or not_. He thought while still lying down; food untouched and getting cold.

 

There is one more knock and he turns to look at the door but before he can utter any words of protest the door opens and he blinks repeatedly on seeing the one who just entered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think came??


	7. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have combined two chapters here because i really want this to be over soon XD  
> Yes this has ended. Wait for the epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lines in the beginning are from the English translation of the song "Promise" by EXO

 

 

 _You who have always been waiting for me_  
_You who embrace me with your arms_  
_I won’t forget_  
_I will make you happy_  
_like the ‘we are one’ word I’ve told you._

_Although time passes, there is a word I cannot express,_  
_sinking down in my heart._  
_‘I’m sorry’ ‘I love you’_  
_asking you to believe in me like this time_  
_I will hug you and hold your hands_  
_If I am able to express my heart,_  
_I will devote myself to you._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

As soon as his mind registers the identity of the face in front of him, Luhan jerks up into a sitting position nearly knocking the tray of food off the table. The little sound startles him and he looks at the food and then back at the man at the door. For a second luhan thought he just imagined the man there and who will be gone the moment he looks back. But the man was still there, smiling softly at him and that small gesture makes luhan tear up. He vaguely remembers that the shirt the other is wearing is the one Luhan gifted him on his birthday. There was an immediate feeling of warmth, calm and HOME in the air when the man stepped in and made his way over to Luhan’s side.

 

The visitor didn’t sit on the chair like luhan thought but stepped closer to him; his face mere inches away from Luhan’s that made the latter’s breath caught up in his throat. The feathery brush of his lips on Luhan’s forehead causes the first of many tears to roll down his cheeks.

 

The man slowly cups Luhan’s face and brushes off the silent tears, giving a small encouraging smile once more. And luhan sags in the man’s embrace sobbing loudly and uttering intangible words along with whispers of his name repeatedly.

 

_Kai..........Kai............Kai............Kai.............. Kai................_

 

Kai tightens his hold around the crying boy and nuzzles his face in luhan’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent he missed so much. After several moments kai loosens his hold and lightly pushes away luhan to look at his face properly.

 

“I missed you” just these words had luhan caving back into the warm embrace and peppering the younger’s neck with light kisses.

 

After several minutes of being in each other arms alone, luhan slowly pulls himself away and looks at the other nervously. He still has not met Kai’s eyes squarely since he came in. He is happy that finally Kai found him, that he didn’t flinched away from his touch, that he gave him a warm smile, and let him embrace him tightly but he can’t help but fear what will the other have to say to him, about his actions. Suddenly seeing kai makes him sad and he closes on himself, scooting away from the warmth kai’s body is providing.

 

 

Seeing the look of distress and fear in the Luhan’s eyes, kai grabs his hand and places gentle kisses on each knuckle. The silent action of acceptance fills luhan’s heart with love and relief. As soon as he opens his mouth to say something though, kai presses a finger on his lips silencing him; before the other could take it as a sign of rejection kai murmurs “Tomorrow. We will talk tomorrow. I could visit only for an hour today but i will be back tomorrow.”

 

Still sulking but luhan agrees. And kai glance towards the cold food at the table and looks back at luhan with a stern look; before he could scold him though luhan beats him to it and starts eating his meal. Even cold and tasteless food tastes amazing right now to Luhan in the presence of kai who is smiling down at him. After taking the last bite and gulping down his medicines with a glass of water, Luhan looks at kai anxiously. Reading the silent plea in his eyes, kai moves forward and takes out something from his jacket pocket. It takes several seconds for luhan to recognize the shining locket and till the time he could response, kai has already hooked it around his neck and is thumbing at it rather fondly.

 

It’s the same locket kai gave him when he proposed him, the same which suddenly disappeared the day kai left. Luhan’s suspicion that kai took it with him came true now. Seeing the locket dangling in his neck fills him with a certain hope that maybe kai has forgiven him.

 

Unknown to him kai saw the flicker of all the emotions on Luhan’s face while standing there with an adorned smile. Kai places a gentle kiss on his cheeks and murmurs something before stepping back and taking his leave.

 

**_“I PROMISE YOU”_ **

 

 

 

@@@@@@@@@@@@

 

 

Luhan has been in a daze for past half an hour. It still feels surreal to believe that Kai was here. Finally all his prayers were heard. And it’s a miracle that the hospital was able to contact him and moreover that Kai actually agreed to visit him. Luhan always pictured his meeting with kai as one filled with pure anger and disappointment on Kai’s side. He still is sceptical about the other forgiving him but it can all wait till tomorrow. Right now he wants to embrace this happiness and relief of having the other one around him once again.

 

With all these thoughts swirling inside his mind, Luhan fails to notice the door to his room creek open. The nurse quietly steps inside so as not to disturb the boy if he is sleeping. But the scene in front leaves her confused, in a good way though. Luhan is, like usual, lying on his back staring at the ceiling but for the first time she see him smiling, not just a small curve of lips but a full blown smile with twinkle in his eyes. And it suits him so much that she almost feels like embracing the innocent boy. And suddenly her gaze moves towards the empty food tray. She gasps soundlessly and slowly a smile forms on her face.

“Guess someone is really happy today!” she muses and laughs wholeheartedly when luhan gets startled and jolts up like a fish caught in the net. He curses loudly and gives her a hard look but still the blush from getting caught smiling was visible on his face. The older nurse arches her brows in mock suspicion when luhan tries to hide the blush.

“I don’t know what made you this happy, but whatever happened, i wish it to continue. You look good with a smile, son.” she squeezes his hand and places a soft kiss on his head before retrieving from the room.

Luhan does not stop the smile that threatens to emerge and borrows himself in the warm blanket to hide the giddy feeling coursing through his body.

 

 

He hasn’t touched his food yet again. Eyes trained on the door, waiting for it to open and kai to come inside. It’s already past five minutes to the time kai visited him yesterday and the delay with every minute is making Luhan more and more anxious and doubtful if Kai will even visit him today or not. Suddenly there is a knock and luhan thinks he has never sped walked this fast to open the door in his life. But what he sees makes his shoulder slump in disappointment but how can he ignore those twinkling eyes and toothy smile. So he gives a small smile in return to the kid, who stays from across his room, standing in front of him hands at the back like he is hiding something.

 

“What is it Minnie?? And what are you hiding at the back?” Luhan enquires with a slight frown.

In return a beautiful rose is offered to him by the shy little boy, who is now fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Luhan unconsciously smiles and accepts the flower before bringing it up to inhale the sweet fragrance and ruffles the boy’s hair in gratitude. Luhan was about to turn around and go in when a small hand pulls his pants to get attention. Luhan looks back only to see kai in front of him standing behind the small boy with a bright grin etched on his face and directed towards luhan.

“Thank you Minnie. You did great.” Kai ruffles the boy’s hair in the same manner Luhan did seconds before.

Minnie has a huge grin on his face, a chocolate in hand, probably courtesy of kai, and waves excitedly to both of them before running down the hallway towards the garden.

 

Luhan suddenly feels nervous and all the enthusiasm from before to see Kai is gone now and is replaced with a dull anxiety. He knows that today they would have to talk about the past and he doesn’t know if he is ready to do so. Still Luhan is happy to see the other and thus gives a tentative smile which is returned with a sudden hug from the other. With Kai’s warm body pressed into him as a assurance all the tension quickly leaves Luhan and he lets himself enjoy the warmth of this embrace.

Kai is the first to pull away and barges in without being asked and luhan just wants to roll his eyes as an old habit and catches himself smiling at the casualness of it all.

When luhan finally makes it to his bed, kai is looking at him strangely like he is mad or something and the former just scrunches his brows in confusion. Kai sighs in exasperation and nods towards the tray full of untouched food and luhan had the audacity to look ashamed and sheepishly rubs his nape while giving an awkward mix of smile and grimace to the other man.

 

“I have nothing to say to you before you finish your meal” kai crosses his arm like a strict older brother when in fact he is younger than Luhan.

Luhan drops his head and nods silently like a “kid getting scolded for stealing a candy”, but there is a ghost of smile on his face which does not go unnoticed by Kai, who tries to hide his own grin too.

 

Luhan finishes his meal, takes his medicine and goes to sit beside kai on the couch for their much awaited “talk”.

 

“I don’t even know from where to start. And it’s not to make things even more awkward but i was wondering where did Sehun go!!” and as soon as the name leaves kai’s lips luhan stiffens. It’s only after a gentle squeeze on his knees; he remembers to breathe and turns slowly to face the other.

 

“H-He...i mean I-and Hi-him...we are not together” there is a moment of silence before luhan realises that kai is waiting for him to elaborate.

 

And so luhan launches into telling the other about all the happenings of last few months starting from the day kyungsoo told them about kai’s plan till the day he asked sehun to go back.

 

Luhan is waiting for any kind of response and is holding his breath in before a sigh leaves his lips when kai’s hands find his’.

 

“I thought you were with me as a payback to me helping you out all those years. And that you finally found your life partner in sehun. I wouldn’t lie that i was not angry or disappointed. Actually i felt betrayed by both my lover and best friend at that time. But soon i realised that if your happiness lies with sehun then there is nothing much i could do for our relationship. To be honest before i met you sehun was the one who look out for me. He was my family, my best friend and like my brother. I would never come in between him and his happiness.”

 

Luhan does not know how many times he has cried but it feels like his tear ducks haven’t dried yet. Hearing all this from kai himself increases his guilt by ten folds. And before he can fathom, he is sobbing hard and begging for kai to forgive him. The said male is having a hard time keeping his tears at bay himself so he embraces the sobbing mess into a tight hug, shushing him and placing kisses on his head to calm him down.

 

“I liked sehun only because he came as a fresh colour to our life. Initially i saw him only as a younger brother, i swear. But i don’t know when did it all changed. I guess i never told you that i was suffering from depression. The fact that i had a traumatic experience with my family messed my brain a little. I never wanted to betray you. And even if you cannot forgive me or take me back, i just want to apologise once and tell you that i really love you. And thank you for loving me so much as to sacrifice your happiness and letting me think as if you were the one in wrong” luhan finally lets the weight lift off his chest as he pours his heart out to kai.

 

“You know why i started loving you!” when Luhan tries to answer that without waiting for a reply kai continues, “When i first saw you, you looked like an angel. Your pretty doe eyes, charming smile, flawless milky skin and your cute face made everyone, including me get attracted to you. Though it was not your good looks but your beautiful heart that i fell for. You were always there to help everyone, always thinking of others before yourself. I always knew there was something wrong but you never let it show on your face. You were like a shed that saved others from scorching sun but get yourself burnt in the process. This was the reason i fell for you. I still do.”

“Your heart is very pure, luhan. And you are a good person, never think otherwise. I knew if you had realised I know of your relationship with sehun, you would have guilt trip yourself into it; like you certainly did. That’s why i asked for kyungsoo hyung’s help. But you still managed to blame yourself and end up here.” towards the end Kai’s tone slowly changes from calm to angry and luhan is not looking forward to all the scolding he is gonna get. But still luhan can’t help but feel relieved by Kai’s words. He still does not think he deserves this much credit Kai is giving him though.

 

“Seriously Lu, what were you even thinking. Suicide!!! Do you have any idea what i felt seeing you there fighting for your life. How could you be so stupid? You have a whole life in front of you. And you are so much better now than you were a year ago. Please lu move forward and get out of this place and start living your life like you are supposed to be” Kai says with a gentle plead in his words.

 

Luhan didn’t expected this turn of events so soon, so he is kind of confused what to answer with but finally lays his insecurities in front of the other “I don’t have anyone out there waiting for me. For whom should i live? I really have no desire to live like this anymore, Kai. I was only alive till now to see you one last time and apologise for all my deeds.”

 

“You have to. It’s not your time to die yet. You have a long life ahead. And who says you have no one. I am always there with you, in here forever.” and kai gently pats Luhan’s chest where his heart is.

 

After few more minutes of convincing luhan to discharge himself from the shelter home and go live in china maybe for a change, kai stood up to take his leave with one final kiss to his forehead.

 

“When will i see you again?” Luhan asks timidly as Kai pulls away to walk away.

“Whenever you wish to, just close your eyes and call for me. I will be there.” and just like that Kai leaves with a beautiful smile directed towards a very confused luhan.

 

 

**~~End~~**


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this.

 

It has been nearly two weeks since luhan last saw kai. He is worried but not agitated like before. He was not sure of meeting the younger again when he first moved here in the shelter home. So reminding himself the fact that he did talked to kai and resolved all his problems was more than enough. He never coaxed himself into believing that everything will be normal like before. It would never be. But as for now luhan is happy with the forgiveness alone that Kai has given him.

 

Luhan was not moping around for last two weeks like he thought he would when kai didn’t showed up the third day or any day after that. Luhan calmly walked through in his mind all the things Kai told him and came to a conclusion. He shouldn’t or rather he wouldn’t waste this second chance he got to live into isolating himself and fall deeper into this pit of depression.

 

Yesterday only Luhan gathered his thoughts and asked the head of the shelter home to prepare his discharge papers. Unlike the hospital institutes, the patients here were admitted willingly and not due to hospital recommendation. That’s why when he asked to move away everybody was happy enough. They all have noticed the change luhan showed in last two weeks. It was as if suddenly he got this urge to live, to move on and be happy.

 

Doctor Lee, Luhan’s doctor was immediately informed about his sudden decision. The doctor was not angry but rather surprised at Luhan’s sudden decision of leaving. He used to receive weekly reports from Nurse Jung about Luhan’s health and improvement over his stay and even if he was happy luhan was showing some kind of improvement, he thought it was still early for luhan to move out on his own in the outer world.

 

Thus to reason with him Dr Lee finds himself at the shelter room, in one of the therapy rooms with luhan in front of him beaming like a kid. With how happy Luhan looks the doctor is confused now by his insecurities about the patient, who seems healthy and a whole lot better than the last time he saw him.

 

“Are you sure about your decision, luhan?” he just wants to confirm if his patient took the decision seriously or just out of the blue.

 

“Yes” and the confidence with which luhan said it leaves no further room for argument.

 

Resigning in slight defeat the doctor nods his head and pushes the stack of document, Luhan’s discharge papers, in front of the other for his signatures.

 

Luhan is all smiles while signing for his freedom and new life.

 

“If i may ask, what caused this sudden decision? Also i heard that you showed a lot of improvement in recent weeks.” Dr Lee asks after observing the blonde for a few seconds.

 

Luhan smiles and there is a dreamy look on his face when he says the next words “Ofcourse i am happy. Why wouldn’t i be when i got what i came here for?”

 

On seeing the look of confusion on the doctor’s face luhan chuckles and explains what he meant.

 

“Almost two weeks ago someone came here to meet me. It was kai” and suddenly there is a dawn of realization on the doctor’s face but before his smile could reach his eyes, it is immediately swiped away with a look of utter bewilderment.

 

“Kai?? But nobody told me about his appearance. I got weekly tabs on how you were doing but nobody ever mentioned anything about kai or anyone else ever visiting you” Dr Lee is thoroughly confused now but luhan does not think much about the situation. At least not until the nurse, the one in charge of him is called up to explain about the said matter.

 

“I am completely sure Dr Lee; luhan never had any visitor in his entire stay here. All the visitors have entries to make before even stepping into the building. And still nobody is allowed in the Patient’s room like luhan just told us. There is a separate meeting room for visitors on the floor below this one. Also i have been keeping extra tabs on him because of his condition and lack of improvement and i can guarantee you there has been no visitor and also none of us, the staff and other patients has seen anyone enter his room.”

 

Luhan is frozen on his spot, eyes blinking but vision unfocused. Slowly his eyes are watering and both the doctor and the nurse give him sad pitiful looks. Luhan wants to scream and tell them both to fuck off because no way in hell he imagined all what that happened this past weeks. And suddenly while hyperventilating he remembers something.

 

“Minnie” he gasps the name as if it’s the only thread of rationality he has left before his world goes crumbling down.

 

“Minnie has met kai. He was there when kai visited me second time. He knows kai is real. He will tell you the truth. Call him. Please.” and the nurse moves quickly not wanting to see the broken boy anymore. She prays in her mind that luhan is saying the truth. She does not want to see that lifeless boy from the earlier once again.

 

And as if their prayers were listened by the god, Minnie actually remembers Kai, the boy who asked him to give luhan a rose and it’s all luhan needs to hear before he is breathing once again and the tears of relief finally flows freely from his eyes.

 

Luhan, however, does now hear what the small boy told the doctor afterwards; after Luhan went down to his room because he wanted to be alone. How the little boy only heard a gentle whisper that day which led him into the garden where he found a rose on the bench and suddenly he thought his lu-ge will be happy to see the rose. And besides that rose was a chocolate which he quickly settled into his pocket before anyone else could take it and ran off to find the older boy.

 

Luhan does not look pale anymore, his eyes do not seem dead, and there is a ghost of smile on his face now. He is interacting well with others nowadays. He is becoming normal. He is getting there and maybe he will be alright by himself in the outer world. And that realization lets Dr Lee to allow luhan to leave the shelter home, move on and live his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**After 6 months**

 

 

**_In china_ **

 

Luhan is now an elementary teacher in a small neighbourhood school in Changsha. Life was anything but easy when he first moved here. But slowly he got on his own feet. And the little rascals, that he will never admit he loves a lot on their face, makes his life a whole lot better and happier.

 

There are days when he suddenly goes quite and tries not to fall back into the pit of darkness. But there are days when he meets people, goes out for parties with a bunch of friends he made here in a short span of time. He still talks to sehun sometimes but it’s all in a very friendly or if he dare say in a brotherly way. He is happy sehun found a nice guy as his partner, a Chinese boy named Zitao. And it’s actually quite amusing to hear them bicker back and forth like kids he teaches. He is happy for them and happy for himself, how his life turned out and how even though he still misses’ kai, he is doing his everything to keep the promise he made to him.

 

Luhan has moved on and he is living his life. He has accepted the second chance he got with open arms and a warm heart.

 

 

 

**_Somewhere in Korea_ **

 

Dr Lee never stopped looking for kai even after luhan left for china; even after the police stopped the search operation. Being a doctor of highly reputed hospital comes in handy sometimes. An old friend of him, retired detective Park Sohu agreed to look into the matter at hands and has finally given him a report on all his findings. There is nothing much in the folder and the doctor once again is left speechless on how this world works.

 

 

 

The report says that _almost nine months ago, there was an accident on the outskirts of Seoul between a car and a truck in which the car was crushed completely and the person driving it died on the spot. The truck driver vanished from the crime scene along with all possible items of identity of the person who died._

 

As a footnote the detective wrote _it is the same day luhan mentioned kyungsoo told them kai left without telling anyone. On further inspection the detective found out that the car which the police found torn on the spot was registered on the name of Kim Kai._

 

_Kim Kai died nine months ago in a road accident._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luhan may or may not find about Kai in future.  
> Luhan may or may not fall in love again in the future.  
> Luhan may or may not fall into depression again in the future.  
> But what all matters now is the present. That Luhan is giving himself the second chance.
> 
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